YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY....'WHEN IN ROME...."

Well, I am really excited this week.  This is a big week because in another 24 hours or so  I will be attending a live lecture by one Sir ECKHART TOLLE,  Spiritual Philosopher Extraordinaire.   For those of you who are not familiar with Eckhart or his simple, accessible views on Existentialism, the dude is all over YOUTUBE.  Like anything else, he’s not for everybody.  But I can only speak for myself and ah DO LUBS ME some o’ dat E-MAN!!!

Of course I purchased a  ticket for my husband Chris, as well.  We’re in this thing together, after all, and he does enjoy Eckhart just fine.   But I’m definitely the ringleader of the operation for this kinda crap.  In other words, it’s one thing for Chris to listen to an Eckhart lecture on CD or read an interview article about him.  But to actually ATTEND a LIVE lecture in a HALL with OTHER ECKHART  FANS…well…

The very day that tickets go on sale, I call Chris at work to excitedly tell him that ECKHART is going to be lecturing in New York, and BEST OF ALL - we can STILL GET TICKETS.

Chris (barely stifling a groan): “Oh, you’re KIDDING…”

Me: “Come ON honey!  You KNOW how much I love him, and he’s never lectured in New York, at least not since I’ve been into him.”   * Crickets *    “YOU like him, too!”

Chris: “He’s ok, but to actually GO to one of these things…?”
Me: “Awww…I’d really love to go, honey…” 
Chris (already resigned): “You already bought the tickets, didn’t you.”
Me: “NO!  But I’m a mouse-click away.”
Chris: “Alriiight…whatever.  You wanna go so bad…JEEEeesus…”

CLICK!  Online order completed.

Me: “Thanks honey!  We’ll have a GREAT TIME, I just KNOW IT!”
Chris: “Yeah, yeah…...I bet…”

He really is such a good man.

 Anyhow, that was a few weeks back and now THE EVENT IS PRACTICALLY UPON US.   We were driving upstate this past Saturday, and I started to get all excited thinking about it.

Me: “ECKHART is WEDNESDAY, Honey!” 
Chris: “Uh.  THIS Wednesday?”
Me: “Yes!  YOU knew that.”
Chris: “I don’t know these things, I try to forget these things.  What the hell kinda yahoos are gonna be at this thing?”
Me: “NICE people!  Serene and peaceful folk!  Hey, WE’RE gonna be there, too, you know.”
Chris: “That’s what’s scaring me.  Who the hell are we gonna be stuck with for 2 hours or whatever…”
Me: “Oh, come on.  Can’t be worse than a Dead show.  And there’s NO WAY they’ll be anywhere NEAR as awful as a Springsteen audience!” (yeah, those Boss fans…shudder…)

And then somehow in the course of this conversation, Chris comes up with the idea that, in order to comfortably fit in with this supposed highly spiritually-evolved crowd, that perhaps he should simply dress the part.  We immediately begin bouncing some spiritually-charged fashion ideas around…

He will attend the event dressed head-to-toe in white, gauzy material, complete with earthy woven hemp slipper-boots, perhaps a large ‘yin yang’-type of medallion hanging around his neck.  He can wear his usual ponytail, but for THIS event he has the option of getting real fancy with his facial hair situation.  Trim the full beard, moustache AND eyebrows into severely sharpened angles, you know, like that outlandish character actor Andreas Voutsinas from the original (Mel Brooks’) movie THE PRODUCERS. 

Ahhh…we can picture it as clear as day.  Standing at 6’ 6” tall, Chris entering the lecture hall, a pristine vision - like some kind of HOLY WIZARD or progressive SORCERER.  With his calm, imperatively tolerant demeanor and his snazzy new outfit, a veritable BEING of nearly  extraterrestrial importance. 

We can just imagine the reaction of the throngs who have initially come to hear Eckhart, now eyeing my husband with a solemn reverence, nodding to one another knowingly: “HE must SURELY be someone of spiritual significance.”   It would (perhaps) not even come as a major surprise to all in attendance if – at some point during Eckhart’s lecture – Warlock Chris were to rise slowly and regally from his seat and hurl a glowing sphere of energy high into the air above us all, prompting Eckhart only to smile and nod in tranquil complicity.  The audience would burst into spontaneous, delighted self-congratulatory applause:  “Ahhh, yes of course….we KNEW He was someone EXCEPTIONAL!!!”

Well, ya know, I really do like this whole idea.  I wish Chris would really do it.  I’ll even go pick up the outfit.  SURELY,  I’d find something suitable in one of the many little West Indian shops that are opening rampantly all around our little Queens neighborhood. 

But now Chris says he probably won’t be going thru with THE PLAN.  Sigh.  Well, it’s honestly for the better.  It’s Eckhart’s big night, after all, and we really have no business pulling that kind of nonsense at his shindiggy. 

And anyhow – where would we ever find a glowing energy ball to throw in the air on such short notice?