Actually, what am I - INSANE? Fuck that office - if anything I'd rather be swinging in a hammock somewhere quaffing a green-apple-martini and nibbling chilled lobster meat dipped in a cilantro-infused butter sauce.
Crazily, the damn tooth doesn't even hurt today. But alas, the dentist it must be...
* * * ** * * * *
Later that same day....
Back from the dentist. Had to have that sucker pulled (wisdom tooth). Not bad at all, really. I think I'm getting braver as I mature. Unlike SOME individuals I know....
Judging from the "greeting" I received from Herman upon my return, I think the boiler dude must have been here while I was getting my tooth pulled. Or even possibly something worse, tho' it's hard to say exactly what that would BE since there hasn't been a tornado blowing thru here (yet) today. As I pull up outside my house (my mouth stuffed to the brim with bloody gauze, head already beginning to throb just like Doc Friedman promised it would "within the hour") Herman is bellowing uncontrollably and hurling himself against our large bay window. (Great to see you, too, Herm!) It's as if he's angrily shouting at me: "How could you LEAVE me here - ALONE - without ACCESS to my DOPE????"
But he's ok now, I gave him a triple-shot of PET CALM and a couple of slices of American cheese and he's come off the ledge.
Anyhow, on my way home I had stopped at CVS. While perusing the shampoo section, I came across a bottle of Organic Sea Kelp Conditioner and it brought back memories of Carmen. Carmen is this adorable little Latina woman who used to cut my hair many years ago. She was a feisty, glamorous little thing with dark smiling eyes, long chestnut hair and a real sweet face. Very thick Spanish accent, but also possessing a fine command of the English language.
One day I was sitting in Carmen's hair-do chair getting a trim, and Carmen brandishes a bottle of milky, greenish liquid at me.
Carmen: "I like to try sump-theen new I get on you hair today - I think it be good!"
Me: "Oh, yeah? Sure, sounds great. What is the stuff?"
Carmen: "Eets SEA KELP. From dee OCEAN. Very nice, very good I theenk for you."
Me: "Ahhh - Sea Kelp! I hear it's a favorite hair-care product for psychiatrists everywhere... You know- 'Sea Kelp....SEEK - HELP'...."
Carmen smiles pleasantly and nods her head, continues to trim my hair for a minute or so and just as I'm thinking to myself: "Wow, THAT little quip really fell flat..." this broad just BUSTS OUT laughing herself sick. She doubles over, repeating: "Seek help!!! Seek help Ahhh-hahahahahahahah!"
Suddenly I feel like I'm Jerry Seinfeld or Joan Rivers sitting in Carmen's chair. All thru the remainder of my haircut, Carmen suddenly errupts in crazy giggles at my stupid little SEA KELP joke. Alarmingly so, even. I began to get a tad nervous about losing an ear or suffering an accidental nick near my jugular.
But I gotta tell ya, man - I've been around the block. I know a thing or two about great audiences. And holy crap, Carmen was one great audience.
And that sea kelp wasn't half-bad, either, as far as supporting players go!
OKAY - I gotta go lay down - my head is exploding... But...
Back from the dentist. Had to have that sucker pulled (wisdom tooth). Not bad at all, really. I think I'm getting braver as I mature. Unlike SOME individuals I know....
Judging from the "greeting" I received from Herman upon my return, I think the boiler dude must have been here while I was getting my tooth pulled. Or even possibly something worse, tho' it's hard to say exactly what that would BE since there hasn't been a tornado blowing thru here (yet) today. As I pull up outside my house (my mouth stuffed to the brim with bloody gauze, head already beginning to throb just like Doc Friedman promised it would "within the hour") Herman is bellowing uncontrollably and hurling himself against our large bay window. (Great to see you, too, Herm!) It's as if he's angrily shouting at me: "How could you LEAVE me here - ALONE - without ACCESS to my DOPE????"
But he's ok now, I gave him a triple-shot of PET CALM and a couple of slices of American cheese and he's come off the ledge.
Anyhow, on my way home I had stopped at CVS. While perusing the shampoo section, I came across a bottle of Organic Sea Kelp Conditioner and it brought back memories of Carmen. Carmen is this adorable little Latina woman who used to cut my hair many years ago. She was a feisty, glamorous little thing with dark smiling eyes, long chestnut hair and a real sweet face. Very thick Spanish accent, but also possessing a fine command of the English language.
One day I was sitting in Carmen's hair-do chair getting a trim, and Carmen brandishes a bottle of milky, greenish liquid at me.
Carmen: "I like to try sump-theen new I get on you hair today - I think it be good!"
Me: "Oh, yeah? Sure, sounds great. What is the stuff?"
Carmen: "Eets SEA KELP. From dee OCEAN. Very nice, very good I theenk for you."
Me: "Ahhh - Sea Kelp! I hear it's a favorite hair-care product for psychiatrists everywhere... You know- 'Sea Kelp....SEEK - HELP'...."
Carmen smiles pleasantly and nods her head, continues to trim my hair for a minute or so and just as I'm thinking to myself: "Wow, THAT little quip really fell flat..." this broad just BUSTS OUT laughing herself sick. She doubles over, repeating: "Seek help!!! Seek help Ahhh-hahahahahahahah!"
Suddenly I feel like I'm Jerry Seinfeld or Joan Rivers sitting in Carmen's chair. All thru the remainder of my haircut, Carmen suddenly errupts in crazy giggles at my stupid little SEA KELP joke. Alarmingly so, even. I began to get a tad nervous about losing an ear or suffering an accidental nick near my jugular.
But I gotta tell ya, man - I've been around the block. I know a thing or two about great audiences. And holy crap, Carmen was one great audience.
And that sea kelp wasn't half-bad, either, as far as supporting players go!
OKAY - I gotta go lay down - my head is exploding... But...
THANK YA, GOD BLESS YA -
YOU'VE BEEN A GREAT AUDIENCE!
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