DAKONDA - PT. 7

Time has had it's way with me these past couple of weeks, but I have not forgotten that I need to finish this little story... Thanks for sticking with it! ~  ox  ~ L

 

* * * * * *

 

There's a new energy in the room and It/He arrives right about the middle of our previous act - BBB, the iPhone Poet..

 

Dice Stallone (as I immediately mentally dub him) is yet ANOTHER "50-ish, if I were to guess" entertainer to be featured at Dakonda's Illustrious OPEN MIC. 

 

This new force certainly seems one to be reckoned with.  He's a blustering Brooklynite, the body language, mannerisms and enunciations pure Dice Clay with a smidgen of Young Sly Stallone thrown in for good measure (thinking of Sly's  feature film debut in The Lords of Flatbush).

 

Good ole' Dice Stallone, makin' the scene with a genuine swagger (definitely a little hung-over, drunk or on his way to being both):  Hairy barrel-chest poking thru a dingy wife-beater t-shirt.  Some not-quite-faded scarring on his forehead, just above a glass eye.  And listen, I grew up with several friends who sported glass eyes, actually, so I'm pretty confident about being familiar with this particular look.   

 

Now, Dice has a beat-up guitar case that he's hoisting around like it's a machine-gun.  But as he approaches the microphone for his turn at DAZZLING THE CROWD, he suddenly points to Shaggy's guitar that's still propped up in a stand over in the corner. 

Dice: "I think I'm JUST GONNA USE THAT AXE, okay buddy?  Mine is missing a string.  It'll just be easier if we do it this way.  AWRIGHT??!?  WE'RE COOL, RIGHT BUDDY?"

 

Shaggy's face starts twitching - he's terrified of Dice.  He can't even speak,  just shrugs and gives a jerky nod of nearly-comatose assent.  Shaggy's Gal Pal - tho' visibly jumpy at this latest development - remains mute as well.  For now.

"GREAT," Dice booms into the mic, haphazardly attempting to strap on Shaggy's guitar.  He's too barrel-chested for the strap and it needs adjustment, but that's way too much to deal with for Dice, who decides to just hold the guitar spastically in front of him.  So now he's balancing it precariously on one bent knee, since he insists on STANDING while playing…

 

Gal-Pal: (Hisses to Shaggy) "…Oh, no…what if he…?  … He might DROP it…"

 

Shaggy wags his head fiercely at her, wordless:  Don't say anything… DON'T SAY ANYTHING… The poor man is obviously a wreck.

 

Dice launches into his self-intro.  (Oy, these SELF-INTRO's.  In all my years performing, I have never seen or heard such a bunch of grandiose, bombastically verbose mother fuckers!) 

Anyhow…

 

Dice:  "So what the fuck are we all doin' here tonight, HAH?  I tell ya what!  This is a fuckin' CELEBRATION, YA GOT THAT?  A FUCKIN' CELEBRATION of LIFE and MUSIC and FREE-FUCKIN'-EXPRESSION…."

 

Absolutely insane shit.  The delicately demure Krishna Boys at once begin to leave their posts behind the tea counter and hover up near the 'stage' area…

 

You have to remember that this is a very religious bunch, running the joint:   They don't serve alcohol; they don't flush the toilet - if it's only urine in the bowl - and they sure as shit do not fling around F-bombs like Hells Angels. (And over a loud microphone yet, in this little tea-room filled with shelves containing various scrolls and figurines that encourage devout, sacred worship.)

I can tell that the Head Krishna (the one wearing the sharpest-creased, fanciest fedora) is gonna act on this unsuitable eruption of flagrant vulgarity, and soon:  His dark eyes flash and his chiseled jaw clenches forebodingly.    

 

Dice senses it, too, because quite abruptly his cursing harangue ends and now he is HOWLING - Country-Gospel-Style - the old Bible Belt standard "I SAW THE LIGHT"!!!!  And ya know, I gotta say, his singing voice and his guitar-playing are not half-bad!   I mean, he's banging on the thing a little rambunctiously, which is definitely giving Shaggy a mean case of agita - but at least it SOUNDS like something.  Me and Chris even pipe in with some harmonies at the chorus (Praise the Law-awd, I saw the light!)  We're genuinely somewhat cheered to finally be hearing some actual fucking music.  (ß Literally.)

So THIS now throws the Krishna's into a tailspin. Really stops 'em in their tracks. 

Honestly quite the move on Dice's part, to kick off his shtick with some explosive blaspheming only to switch gears and blast into some Ole' Time Religion down here at the Utopia Café`.

 

Yes, Dice is certainly full of surprises.  With even more yet to come…

TO BE CONTINUED….