Dunno whether I’ve mentioned this about Blanche or not, but just in case I haven’t... The dude is not the shrinking violet type. Not what you’d call a wallflower. He’s a regular li’l go-getter, especially in the attention department. So I’m not too surprised when he phones me at work one day to give me the latest scoop…
Blanche: “HONEY! I hope you’re not God-forbid-actually-working and we can chat a bit…?”
Me: “This is strange. I was just going to call you.”
Blanche: “What’s so strange about it? LISTEN! I’m going to be leaving for a 7-day Caribbean cruise. Don’t hate me too much.”
Me: “Wow! Well, I do hate you but what can I do about it.”
Blanche (giddy): “NOTHING! But LISTEN!!! I haven’t told you the LATEST…”
Me: “You have my attention.”
Blanche: “Last week I’m riding the train, just reading the newspaper. And out of the blue this woman approaches me. Turns out she’s a photographer! And she asks me if I would be interested in modeling for a magazine that she freelances for!”
Me: “Wow! Incredible, Blanche!”
Blanche: “Well, not SO incredible. I was wearing a sari, very flowing, very very Bangladesh if you get my drift. Truthfully, I was working it that day.”
Me: “Yes, you’re nothing if not truthful.” We’re both laughing. “So, you gonna do it?”
Blanche: “Well, LISTEN!! It’s a NUDE photo shoot!”
Me: “O MY GOD. ARE YOU GONNA DO IT??”
Blanche: “Honey, I already DID it! A whole series of shots.”
Me: “O, I cannot believe you. I mean I BELIEVE you, but I cannot BELIEVE you!!” I’m totally cracking up.
Blanche: “It’s very tasteful, very artistic. You can see for yourself – there’s an online version of them as well – write this link down…”
He gives me the link and stays on the line while I pull it up on my screen. Yup, there’s Blanche – all kindsa NAKED! But he’s right, these are elegant, classy photos indeed and he has never looked more gorgeous. I tell him so.
Blanche: “THANK YOU, honey. Well, you know – I figured, I’m looking pretty fine these days. Might as well record it for posterity. Plus, I got paid! They showed me the money!”
We chat a bit more and then it’s Bon Voyage with promises to hook up when he returns from sea.
I hang up and realize I have to pee like a racehorse so I head for the restroom. At the same moment, my boss is heading in to my office to put something on my desk. We pass each other in the hall.
Behind me, I hear him gasping: “Oh for CHRIST’S SAKE. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING ON THIS COMPUTER? THIS DOES NOT LOOK WORK-RELATED.”
I realize I have left Blanche’s full-frontal shot up on the screen, for all of the world – but especially my uptight, repressed, freak-a-zoid boss – to enjoy.
I call over my shoulder: “IT’S NOT WHAT YOU THINK! HE’S A REALLY, REALLY GOOD FRIEND OF MINE!”
Somehow this fact doesn’t seem to calm my boss down too much. He’s beside himself. A little TOO beside himself, if you ask me.
When I tell Blanche about it, we will laugh about this one for a long time.
No comments:
Post a Comment