Westchester may well have its perks
And also its share of yuppie jerks
This one guy had it down to a science quite grand -
Some shmuck with his kid
At the Pickle Stand.
Situated in a campsite parking lot
Or so it seemed to me, at least.
But I digress…
So, his little beast…
Was standing in front of the PICKLE TRAY
Which boasted 'FREE SAMPLES' on display
Pickle chips of all variety:
Horseradish, half sour, and
Dill-chips, half-sweet…
Toothpicks were offered,
Nicely displayed
For the patrons to use
As a Pickle-Tasting Aid.
I'm next to this kid,
Who leans over the tray
Like a vulture about to
Devour its prey -
His father behind him,
States LOUD and dramatic,
"NOW MAKE SURE YOU CHANGE TOOTHPICKS…."
While the kid does his acrobatics.
"USE A DIFFERENT TOOTHPICK FOR EACH PICKLE YOU EAT…"
He's making sure we all hear him,
He's hardly discreet
He wants us to know
What a great job he's doing
In raising this kid
Who is drooling and chewing…
And in the middle of DAD'S
GREAT TOOTHPICK SPEECH
The kid up and VOMITS -
Not much of a reach…
His mouth filled with pickle-slime
He pukes right into the tray
Containing all of the samples
On the tasting display.
Who imparts lessons SO WISE,
Grabs the kid by the hand
And they run for their lives.
The Pickle Lady, clue-less
Was 10 feet away
With a long line waiting
For her pickles that day.
So I told her what happened
And pointed at DAD, yelling:
"YEAH, THAT GUY'S KID JUST VOMITED
ALL UP IN YOUR SAMPLES
YEAH, THAT GUY RIGHT THERE -
THE ONE RUNNING AWAY…."
She got rid of the tray
And thanked me.
I did buy some pickles.
They were okay.
But I'm definitely cured
Of tasting from the
Sample tray.
