Friday, October 25, 2013

Piece of a Novel....


"That AMP is TOO fucking LOUD, man!  I have to SING over that shit, dude!  Come on!"

 

Rehearsing with my cover band, my patience is rapidly shredding along with the earsplitting, overblown noodling of the relatively-new lead guitarist. 

 

This is a real thing:  The Singer/Songwriter vs. The Lead Guitarist Thing.  It has a genuine lifecycle, a distinctive dynamic unto itself. 

 

This is how it goes:

 

Lead Singer (with drummer and bassist already on board) starts auditioning for Lead Guitarists.  Some are good, some are not so good, and then this one guy is GREAT.  THAT'S THE SOUND.  The dude is a total pro, a perfect fit.  The whole band is beaming, jamming, feeling like The Beatles.  By the end of the audition, everyone's excited about the prospect of working together with this added element of proficiency.  The perfect puzzle piece is FINALLY in place.

 

The first few rehearsals move along really well.  Lead Guitarist may as well be wearing a shirt that says: TEAM PLAYER.  He's considerate, easygoing, collaborative.   He rocks.  He has a sweet girlfriend (usually, unless she's a cunt but thankfully that was only with one or two of them), so he's tastefully flirtatious, harmlessly so but still it's kinda nice.

 

MUSIC is the GREAT HEALER of any and all of Life's bummers and AIN'T IT GRAND! 

 

Bullshit.

 

By the 2nd gig (sometimes even the first gig, by the end of the first set.  No, make that the end of the first song.)

 

Smiling, but not with his eyes, Guitar Man mumbles: "You can sing over this, Lena. I've heard you belt."

 

O my god.  My mind starts racing with resentment that I don't bother voicing for the umpteenth time: I pick out the songs, I provide the sheet music, I front the band, I book the rehearsals and the paying gigs.   I do everything but WIPE your ASS for you and STILL you're an obnoxious lunatic to work with…yet another one…

 

"Listen, I know I can belt but are you tryin' to make me HURT myself??   I ask you to turn it down, I look away for one second and - what - you just JACK IT right back up?  That's like a big FUCK YOU to me, don't you think?"

 

I had a particularly nasty argument with my husband just prior to this rehearsal.  I'm drinking too much beer and frankly I am getting sick of working with this cover band.  It's gotten to the point where it's not worth the time, effort or the haggling with bar owners.

 

I make a mental note that it's time to narrow down my projects and just work on my original project.  This upcoming cover gig is going to be my last.  I'll tell them this right after we get paid.

 

In the meantime, I pop open another BUD ICE, I'm also supposed to be at my desk and fully operational at my day job as an office manager in about 4 hours. 

* * * * *
 
 

Sunday, September 29, 2013

Ole' PETEY and I - Part 3


Dogs are our
Teachers.
Until you get that,
You just don't
Get it.
One time, it was a bad day.
My parents had been fighting.
Pop had been gettin his drink on
And just bickering
And shit.
And my older brother could be a bully
And he was hurting my feelings
And between it all, at only 8
I was at the end of my rope.
I went out to the yard
Where Petey greeted me so sweet
But I was a bitch
And I pushed him away.
It killed me to do it
But I remember feeling like - HEY -
I'm expected to keep loving
So YOU, Petey - YOU LOVE ME TOO…
EVEN WHEN I DO WRONG BY YOU.
But it killed me.
At the same time, Kris saw me pushing Petey away
She was watching from inside her window
And she came rushing out and hugged Petey, and said:

"Listen, girl.  No matter how people treat you…
Nothing gives you the right to treat others that same, hurtful way."
Oh, I was so ashamed.
And I could barely look at Ole' Petey, my friend, whom I had mis-used.
I could barely look at Kris, but I did, shy and small
And I said: "I'll never do it again.  I love him so.  I was wrong."
Dogs are our
Teachers.
To be continued.

Saturday, September 28, 2013

Ole' Petey and I - Pt 2

So Petey was a pup
And the love of my life
Kris would let me come over
And feed him dinner each night
ALPO - The Large Can
With a MilkBone chaser…
And we'd play tug-O-war
With a big rubber ring
He was my dearest friend
Ole' Petey, Ole' Kid…
He was just my best friend
In the
World.
Dinnertime came, and since we shared
The yard-space
Petey was soon
A regular face
Staring in our back window
Right into the small kitchen
Where me and my brothers and Mom
Would be eating
When Pop would work late
That's where we'd be
And looking right in on us
Would be
Petey.
I remember HOT DOGS
And how Pete always knew
When hotdogs were to be
Expected
On the
Menu.
I can see his pink nose
Like a pencil eraser
Pressed up on the screen
His tail wagging and wagging
O, Petey - I loved you
And love you still, so.
Petey,
Ole' Petey
Ole'
Kid.
TO BE CONTINUED…
 

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

OLE' PETEY and I

When I was a really young kid, I knew animals were important to me. 
My parents were always busy and freaky and OCCUPIED. 
We lived in a small apartment in Glendale, Queens and the houses were attached.  Our nearest neighbor was a woman named Kris.  She was married but CHILD-LESS.  Older than my parents, and yet my mother seemed to view her as a "lesser-than" because of her CHILD-FREE STATUS. 
Kris always had dogs, tho'.
And she had me, too.
My father worked all hours and my mother was super-busy with my hyper older brother and my infant younger brother.  I coulda got lost in the mix,
But I didn't,
'cuz I had Kris.
When I was tiny, Kris had a dog named
Queenie.
She was a long-haired dachshund
And not so keen on kids.
So I admired ole' Queenie
And never pushed my hand
I admired and loved her
From afar.
By the time Queenie passed on,
I was about 6 and
Kris got Petey.
Petey was a GERMAN SHORT-HAIRED POINTER.
Yessir, that's what Petey was.
He was white and tan-spotted
And hyper and crazed
And I loved him so much
I thought I might die.
We were such good friends
Ole' Petey and I…


 

TO BE CONTINUED….

Friday, September 20, 2013

DISABLED


Saw  THE BOSS
He said
No Way
You pay to play
And play to pay
And make mistakes
And lose your way
But yet it seems
Ridiculous
'Cuz it's just Us
Just Only
Us.
And once you think
The answer's clear
Well, rest assured
It's nowhere near
There is no answer
Not one prayer
Not a stake
Not a lake
Not a Shining Star…
Bluesy Rings
Around the stars
Or maybe bars
Or maybe….Mars?
Silky rings
That hold my heart.
Hold my throat
Hold my soul
It's a
Start.
 
 

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

VANESSA

Vanessa is an Angel of mine

She came to me in a dream but also

A body of

Water.

I swam at the pool for many weeks

And felt

A hand between my shoulder blades

Pushing.

One night, during trial and tribulations

I fitfully slept

And suddenly

VANESSA REDGRAVE (or a reasonable facsimile)

Showed up. Swimming toward me.

I squinted and said:

"Are you here to help?"

And she said:

"Who do I look like?  That's me…

That's my name. 

And I'm with you

Always.
 
I said: "You look like Vanessa Redgrave."
And she said: "Close.  No Redgrave.  Just VANESSA."
So that's Vanessa.
And now she's just always around.

And she ain't goin'

Nowhere.
 

Friday, August 2, 2013

JUST A LITTLE POEM FOR EMMY


Looking back, I think my
Favorite part of today
Was when we left the
Restaurant
And I said
That orange flower
Near the parking
Lot
Would look so great
In your hair
And with your dress
And Jo
Tentatively goes:
"Should we pick it?"
And You mutter:
"I NEED TO SLEEP."
I love you, FABU MOMMY…
Continue to be
Real, please…
And
Thank You.
 
 

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

JUST ANOTHER POEM ABOUT A PICKLE STAND

 
 
Westchester may well have its perks
And also its share of yuppie jerks
This one guy had it down to a science quite grand -
Some shmuck with his kid
At the Pickle Stand.
 At a "farmers market", kinda sparse
Situated in a campsite parking lot
Or so it seemed to me, at least.
But I digress…
So, his little beast…
 
Was standing in front of the PICKLE TRAY
Which boasted 'FREE SAMPLES' on display
Pickle chips of all variety:
Horseradish, half sour, and
Dill-chips, half-sweet…
 
Toothpicks were offered,
Nicely displayed
For the patrons to use
As a Pickle-Tasting  Aid.
 
I'm next to this kid,
Who leans over the tray
Like a vulture about to
Devour its prey -
His father behind him,
States LOUD and dramatic,
"NOW MAKE SURE YOU CHANGE TOOTHPICKS…."
While the kid does his acrobatics.
"USE A DIFFERENT TOOTHPICK FOR EACH PICKLE YOU EAT…"
He's making sure we all hear him,
He's hardly discreet
He wants us to know
What a great job he's doing
In raising this kid
Who is drooling and chewing…
 
And in the middle of DAD'S
GREAT TOOTHPICK SPEECH
The kid up and VOMITS -
Not much of a reach…
His mouth filled with pickle-slime
He pukes right into the tray
Containing all of the samples
On the tasting display.
 And ole' DAD OF THE YEAR -
Who imparts lessons SO WISE,
Grabs the kid by the hand
And they run for their lives.
 
The Pickle Lady, clue-less
Was 10 feet away
With a long line waiting
For her pickles that day.
 
So I told her what happened
And pointed at DAD, yelling:
"YEAH, THAT GUY'S KID JUST VOMITED
ALL UP IN YOUR SAMPLES
YEAH, THAT GUY RIGHT THERE -
THE ONE RUNNING AWAY…."
She got rid of the tray
And thanked me.
 
I did buy some pickles. 
They were okay.
But I'm definitely cured
Of tasting from the
Sample tray.
 
 
 
 

Friday, July 12, 2013

HELLO, I LOVE YOU


Left a day-job in two thousand eleven

Go away, you people

I thought - I thought.

Thought the choice was mine and so

I could say

Go away, you people

Go away.

 

Things happened  then.

I was brought

Down to size.

Come back people,

Come back

Come on back.

 

Let's laugh

And let's hug

And HI
HI -

Hi.
 

 

 

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

I LOVE MY GREAT GRANDPA


My father told me a story tonight

About a personal family plight

His Grandpa, someone he never met

On his mother's side.

 

His name was Lajos -

Pronounced like: "LAY-USH"

Lived in Gyor, a farming town -

Just outside of Budapest

He ran liquor up and down

Made deliveries

Did his best.

 

One stormy night, he rode his cart

Drawn by two horses

In the dark.

Halfway there, he disembarked

The horses spooked

Left him aloft.

 

Lajos walked

Into the White Night

His horses, gone

No sign of light.

 

They found him days later

A'neathe a drift

100 feet from

A farmhouse and

Salvation.

 

His horses were home

Two days before.

They appeared without Lajos

At the barnyard door.

 

You Never Fucking Know.

 

Friday, May 17, 2013

May Your Life Be Rife With Rescued Bah-Bees

About 25 years ago (!!!!), I was working as a secretary at an import firm.  My office was housed within a large factory building at the top of a dead-end street in an industrial area. 

One very warm summer day, I happened to look out the window and saw that someone had left a large box in the middle of the street.  The box was wrapped in a cheap, plastic table cloth and it struck me as very odd that a couple of little birds kept landing on top of the box and were pecking at it in a determined, almost frantic manner.

I left my desk, feeling like I just had to open that box.  But I was apprehensive, even felt a little scared for some reason.  I asked Frank, one of the factory workers, to please come with me.   He did, bringing a box cutter.

The birds were still hopping on and around the box as we approached. 

"Open it quick, Frank.  I have a bad feeling."

Frank looked at me gravely - he felt it, too.  Protectively, he said: "Lynn, please stand away while I do this." 

Which made me more nervous, still: "Ok, okay....Please hurry up, Frank."

As soon as Frank slit the top of the box, like a lightning flash out jumped a terrified mama cat:  Wild-eyed, small and skinny, a ginger-tabby.  She high-tailed it down an alleyway, and she never looked back.  I think about that poor mama-bubby to this day....

...and, inside the box were 6 kittens - no more than 3 or 4 days old, tops.  Their eyes weren't yet open and they barely had fur but you could see they were three ginger tabbies and three calicos:  3 boys and 3 girls.  They looked to be dead.  Crying in horror, I grabbed the box and quickly brought it inside.  Without even thinking, I started dribbling water into their mouths, dabbing their noses and their feet with cool water.  Slowly, all 6 began to revive and mew weakly.

 Still crying, I informed my bosses that I needed the rest of the day off.  They were none too pleased - downright grumpy about it all - but then, they were assholes and I hated their fucking guts anyhow.  And they knew it, too.  

Let's see....Saving kittens today or slaving for you shit-heads?  Hmmmm...I'm gonna say NO CONTEST, you fucking yahoos.

They stood aside, grudgingly silent, as I gathered my box of wormy-looking kittens and left the office.  Frank held the doors for me as I went.  Frank was a man of God, and this day was no exception.  I love you, Frank, wherever you are today.

I put the box-o-kitties in the passenger seat of my car and drove straight to my vet's office, one hand in the box, still dribbling water into their waiting mouths.

My vet was moved by my predicament, but he gently told me that I shouldn't get my hopes up or expect miracles:  It was very unlikely that these bubbies would survive.  They were way too tiny to be orphaned, not to mention severely dehydrated.  Regardless, he gave me some formula and feeding instructions ("Every 2 to 3 hours, (!!) round-the-clock, and make sure to rub their bellies and genitals afterward with a warm cloth so that they evacuate waste, otherwise they will become blocked and TOXIC ...").

OOfah.   Only one way I could take this on: I enlisted the help of my ex-husband's mom, an incredibly selfless fellow animal lover.  She jumped right on board, like the animal advocate rock-star that she was and still is.

All 6 kittens quickly began to flourish and thrive.  Literally within the first 24 hours, they were all yowling for food every second of the day, never mind "every 3 hours"...    Me and Mom adjusted our schedules accordingly, because this was a big production, let me tell you. 

For some reason, we dubbed the group of orphans: "THE BAH-BEES" - pronouncing 'BAH' like the sound of a bleating lamb, I think because they sounded like a chorus of tiny lambs constantly Baaaaaaah-ing for food, cuddling and attention.   Very quickly those Bah-Bees were all over the damn place - they opened their eyes within 2 days of their arrival and once THAT happened, fuggedaboudit.  

We procured a big cage for the Bah-Bees and set it up in Mom's living room.   Mom's father-in-law (Pop) lived there, too.  He was an extraordinary gentleman: Cultured, kindly and also a great lover of animals.  Unfortunately, he was also afflicted with the progression of Alzheimer's. 

In the evenings, Pop was still able to enjoy his evening whiskey, listening to his beloved classical music and whatnot.  Once the Bah-Bees were on the scene, tho', things got a little more interesting for Pop.   Whenever someone entered the room, they'd all start up with their thin, insistent Baaaaaaah-ing - demanding to be let out of their big Bah-Bee Cage.   

And every single time, Pop would irately rap his whiskey tumbler on the end table and bark: "Goddamit now.  This is INSANITY.   Would somebody do something about these damn BIRDS ALREADY so that I can HEAR MYSELF THINK???"

* * * * * *

All six Bah-Bees grew into big, strapping, beautiful cats:  Monster ("Muncie"), Tigger, Jake, Maggie, Angel and my absolute favorite, Little Debbie.  She was the tiniest, so docile and remained baby-like always.

We kept 4 of them.  And boy, let me tell you, it was hard letting the other 2 go.  But they went to great homes, of course.

I still think about and feel such anxiety for that poor mama cat, even tho' she did escape one horrifically awful fate,   What the fuck is wrong with people who would do such a thing?  Same old question.   Anyhow, I still wish I could have done more for her.  Of course, she's long gone now - they all are.

I remain grateful that I looked out that window when I did.  And as I never tire of saying when this story comes up: 

How'd I know to open that package? 

Oh, a little birdie tole' me.   

Happy Friday and Have a Great Weekend~!
 

Friday, March 22, 2013

DAKONDA - Pt. 8 - FINALE

So Dice Stallone wraps up his rousing rendition of "I SAW THE LIGHT" to thunderous applause.  Well, not exactly thunderous.  More like a smattering of polite hand-claps, the air tinged with relief - especially from Shaggy who by now cannot control his nervous twitch - his hands involuntarily jerking forward, a subliminal plea: Please give me back my guitar.  Please just…Please put it down.  PLEASE…

 I throw in one of my trademark SHRILL between-the-front-teeth whistles of enthusiasm and Dice seems to like that.  But then, it seems he needs very little encouragement. 

He then carelessly thrusts Shaggy's guitar - one-fisted by its neck - directly at Shaggy, nearly smashing him in the face with it.  Shaggy grapples, then grabs his guitar - sighs shakily:  Thanks, thanks, man…sounding good…EDDIE….

And then, a shocking detail comes to light, when Shaggy's Gal Pal pipes in as well: "Yes, Eddie - very nice."

SHAGGY AND GAL PAL ACTUALLY KNOW DICE!!!  (And Dice's name is really Eddie!)  Seems they actually INVITED him to Dakonda's shindig!  Dice is some kinda weird neighborhood friend they know…from THEIR neighborhood…!!

Dice booms into the mic:  "OKAY, SO YAZ  HOYD what I can provide ON A MUSICAL LEVEL - AWRIGHT???!?!  But for MY NEXT T'ING - YEAH, I GOT MORE…ANYBODY HERE FAMILIAR WIT'  HENRY ROLLINS?  BLACK FLAG?"

Everyone seems to be holding their breath and The Head Krishna is back on HIGH ALERT - actually, he's been closing in steadily - if a bit ineffectually - all along. 

Dice continues:

"Well, I happen ta be a BIG FAN of da SPOKEN WOYD.  So for my NEXT T'ING, I am gonna share witchoo all a STORY.  NOT A POEM.  NOT A SONG.  A  STORY.  A REAL STORY.  A STORY ABOUT MY MOM." 

Head Krishna decides to move now.  Smiling tautly, voice even tighter, he pronounces: "JUST NO CURSING."

Dice whips his head at Head Krishna: "Say WHAT, my brutha?"

Head Krishna: "I said NO CURSING.  NO BAD LANGUAGE." 

Dice appraises him in a rudely superior manner, nodding.  Goes: "Okay, my brutha.  WHATEVER YOU SAY."

Head Krishna says: "Good. Thanks."  But you can tell he doesn't believe Dice will comply.  None of us do.

Dice, not being one to disappoint, begins:

"MY MOM was a poor woman but she was FUCKIN' PROUD.  PROUDER THAN NINETY-NINE-FUCKIN' PERCENT OF THE POPULATION OF THIS MOTHER FUCKIN' PLANET, GODDAMIT…."

Oh, hurrah…Head Krishna starts to try to say something, but no way baby…

"I REMEMBER my MOM goin' to the OPERA and COMIN' HOME…TELLIN' ME that she cried FUCKIN' TEARS as BIG AS ALLIGATOR SHIT (????) when she heard a song that she liked.  AND DID SHE FUCKIN' CARE?  NO SHE DIDN'T!  This was a PROUD FUCKIN' WOMAN.  FUCK ALL THESE BITCHES WHO TRY TO ACT like they are SOMEBODY - THEY'RE WHORES compared to MY FUCKIN' MOM - A SIMPLE BROOKLYN WOMAN…BUT NEVER A WHORE…"
The Head Krishna has OFFICIALLY had it - he lurches forward yelling: ENOUGH.   DAKONDA simultaneously (and shockingly, since I wouldn't have guessed that he had it in him)  jumps up and flips off the amp that is powering the microphone. 

Dice seems completely prepared for this turn of events.  He steadies himself, standing with his legs and arms braced, WRESTLER-STYLE, against this roomful of poets and Krishna's… he BELLOWS:

"WHAT?  YOU WANNA STIFLE ME?  What are you SCARED OF?  YOUR LIFE is a LIE if you can't hear what I have to say.  YOUR LIFE is SHIT!"

Head Krishna: "ALL WE ARE ASKING IS THAT YOU DON'T USE PROFANITY IN THIS ROOM."

DICE: "WHY?  WHAT MAKES THIS FUCKIN' ROOM SO MUCH MORE SPECIAL THAN ANY OTHER FUCKIN' ROOM???"

Head Krishna: "You miss the point. You should leave.  You are no longer welcome here."

DICE: "I miss WHAT point?  YOU should leave, Zipper-Head, because the POINT is on top of YOUR FUCKING HEAD.  You got shit for brains if you think you can protect yourself from the WORLD - and I AM THE fuckin' WORLD, my BRUTHA.  I am YOUR world whether you like it or not, MY MOTHER-FUCKIN' BRUTHA!!!"

Gal-Pal jumps up:

"EDDIE!  PLEASE!  This is not what this place is about!  We did NOT invite you here to make this kind of scene…"

My head is spinning at this point:  It's just so much pristinely asinine chaos, I tell you.  But at the same time, it is Chekhovian in its pure angst and lack of connection between beings.  I remember longing for a tape recorder then, and I'm just grateful for my memory of  ANY of it now…

Dakonda suddenly grabs his blue solid-body electric guitar - violently plugs it in and starts pounding on it:  A heroic defense mechanism to diffuse the current DICE situation.   It's a 3-chord barrage of annoying, tinny sound.

But IT WORKS.  Dice immediately turns his attention to this mess and starts screaming the lyrics to ALL ALONG THE WATCH-TOWER. 

But then Dakonda starts yelling (never breaking stride with his strumming): "NO NO - THIS IS NOT 'ALL ALONG THE WATCH-TOWER'!!  IT'S MY OWN ORIGINAL SONG.  IT ONLY SOUNDS LIKE 'ALL ALONG THE WATCH-TOWER'…"

And then Dakonda starts screaming his OWN lyrics over the 'ALL ALONG THE WATCH TOWER' chords, that go something like this:

"WE WILL NEVER BE LED…

WE WILL NEVER BE LIED TO…

WE ARE STRONG…WE ARE POWERFUL….

JUST STOP MESSING WITH US…."

And then all the sudden, Dakonda and Dice just decide to TAKE IT OUTSIDE….

Dakonda puts his guitar down, and the rest of us watch stupidly as he and Dice march out the front door of the café` and proceed to debate loudly, out there on the moonlit sidewalk, about the RIGHTS OF BEING ABLE TO CURSE IN PUBLIC SOCIETY.

Well, all I can add about the conclusion of this is that I know for a fact The Utopia Café discontinued their monthly OPEN MIC after that particular event.  So I can always say that I caught the ass-end of that scene…

One can never know where these types of things can lead.  All I can say is that on the particular night that me and Chris attended, it was a welcome diversion.  We were in a rut, and this was exciting.  It was dysfunctional, but exciting.  And it was very much ALIVE...

And ALIVE
Is
GOOD.
* * * * * *